The Work of Friendship

I have friends all over this country and outside its borders. Some of them I haven't seen since I was a very young woman. We keep in touch through social media and the occasional phone call. I have convinced myself that such marginal contact is sufficient to maintaining the friendships. It is the easiest thing to do. Often, it is the only possible thing to do. But it is, in reality, just not enough. Social media allows for only the most casual connection, friendship "sound-bytes," if you will. And no matter how hard you try, you just cannot "reach out and touch someone" over the phone. Real face-to-face interaction, moments when you are sharing space and experience, are powerful and necessary moments of relationship building. I worry that we have begun a technological journey toward a preference for isolation and shallow connections.

I have been away for a few days, traveling and renewing my connections with friends who are important in my life. I have not seen one of them in over two years. The other two people I was lucky enough to spend some time with, I have not seen in almost a decade. We have remained friends and I try to keep up with their lives. But being there, looking into their eyes, listening to them laugh, seeing the space they occupy, meeting people and animal companions who are important to them, being able to hold their hand or give and receive hugs, adds a richness and depth that instantly makes that friendship more vital. In the last two days, I made memories that reinforce those friendships and bring them closer; memories that will help sustain me until the next time I am in their presence.

I am not saying that we should avoid the friendship possibilities of social media or the telephone. They are sometimes the only way we have to make and maintain connection. But we need to remind ourselves that there is much more to be savored, and when the opportunity presents itself, we need to be ready to put other things aside and make it happen. Take that trip. Issue that invitation. Meet halfway. Spend time in each other's presence. You'll be glad you did.